Consistency in Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships value consistency. This means that healthy relationships are reciprocal in nature, without a power imbalance. Relationships that are consistent are reliable, responsive, and trustworthy. They make consistent efforts to show through their actions that they value the relationship they have with you.
This also means, not taking a person for granted, not attempting to control their actions, and not expecting or demanding that they will be of service to you. If you realize you are in a relationship where you are expending more energy and effort than the other person, it is not balanced or reciprocal in nature. Pull back and examine why this unequal dynamic is happening.
It could mean that you have grown accustomed to living your life in service to others. That when you sacrifice your own needs for someone else, they may come to expect it, rather than appreciate it. And therefore, your own needs will suffer. Are you constantly martyring yourself for others? Or placing other’s needs at a higher priority than your own?
If you are consistently living your life to please others, your own needs will never be met. They will get pushed aside, in a vicious cycle, only causing further resentment. This may result in feeling that you are being taken advantage of by others. It could mean that you are expecting too much from others in return, or thinking that they owe you something.
Ask yourself, “Am I being fair in expecting this from the people around me? Don’t they deserve to attend to their own needs as well? Am I being self-serving through my self-sacrifice?”
If, upon true reflection, the answer is yes, you have likely grown accustomed to an imbalance of power in your relationships. This means that someone (either you or someone else), has been placed on a pedestal, and the other partner (again, either you or someone else) has been in the role of servant/caregiver/attendant.
In a healthy relationship dynamic, two independent people can co-exist. They can hold their own power in the relationship, and each party will respect the other person in their own individual right. There is no imbalance. There is consistency, reciprocity, and genuine regard and respect for the other person and their needs. There are healthy boundaries, give and take, equilibrium. There is no need to lie or pacify, people-please, or push your own needs aside to make the other person happy. You can be the most honest version of yourself, and the other person will respect you and value you more. This is a true and consistent partnership between equals.
