When you’re constantly told you’re not worthy, at some point you start to wonder if it is true. Even after leaving the military, I find it difficult to accept when people thank me for my service. In my eyes, I didn’t do that much, didn’t accomplish a lot compared to others. Would I have this same feeling if I hadn’t faced such a battle to be accepted in the first place? It’s impossible to say, but I do think the repercussions of those attitudes continue to haunt us.

When Daylight savings time ends, did you know that there is often a residual negative impact on mental health? In fact, we are more likely to experience a surge in stress and negative mood connected with the shorter hours of daylight we receive in the Fall. Sleep loss, altered circadian rhythms and an increase in stress hormones such as cortisol can have a severe impact our mental well-being. In fact individuals who are already diagnosed with a mental health condition are even vulnerable to experiencing psychological disruptions during this time.

My little girl is still my “little girl”….right?! Sometimes I feel that her small self is still in there. She asks me to read her a story, or to cuddle on the couch and watch a movie. It reminds me of the time she was 6 years old, and looked at me while playing with her dolls, and said “Mom, come play with me!” And I joined in. Or I said, mommy is tired or busy right now….and oh, what I would give to have those years back. And yet, there is something so amazing about witnessing my daughter grow, and start becoming her own strong person.

There are plenty of moments where grief can resurface and especially around the holidays. Grief around the holidays is often nuanced, as there may also be many happy memories involving traditions, spending time with loved ones, around plenty of others who care about and support you. The holidays can also be triggering for those who have lost close family and friends, as those memories from the past will live in the mind but will never be experienced with them again.

One of my favorite books I read in middle school was “The Outsiders” by SE Hinton. Written by a teen herself, at a time when female writers were hardly recognized, Hinton wrote the book with a pen name so no one would know she was a female. She wrote about the timeless divide between class, violence and loss of youth innocence. The book hit home for me in several ways, allowing me to find solace through validation of the concept that being an “outsider” is a real experience, and deeply felt by some children from an early age. Differences in socio-economic status, religion, identification, race or gender can widen the gap between people so much that it creates animosity, fear, or an “otherness” experience. And families with uniquely presenting differences can be ostracized by others due to these features.

You were never a “bad kid.” The concept of a “bad child” is rooted in black and white thinking patterns. Either someone is viewed as all bad/good, right/wrong, obedient/disobedient. If you pushed against your parents and received harsh consequences, punishments or name-calling in return, you endured poor and misguided parenting. This did not mean you were inherently wrong or bad, but the internalization of this feeling can last far beyond the childhood years.

Relationships that are transactional often have an underlying tone and quality to them. They exist to benefit either one or both parties, but they often prioritize what you do versus who you are. The benefits, at best, are bi-directional, but often they primarily serve to benefit one party over the other.

Social anxiety is a little bit like chasing the rabbit down the hole. It often stems from a combination of heritable traits, an overactive stress response, childhood experiences, and learned behavior. Social anxiety is also often compounded by perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and rejection sensitive dysphoria. Social anxiety not only impacts daily social interactions, it can also affect your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.

Nowadays, it seems that intergenerational cut-offs are so common, that they may happen for any reason, including clashes in values, differences of opinion, or even a look that someone gave you that was taken out of context. Sometimes the cut-off is interpreted as holding firm boundaries, which is sometimes given as an excuse for remaining distant and estranged.

Let’s face it, back to school is here and some kids simply do not want to go. Back to school is hard enough for families as we adjust from the slow pace of summer to the long grueling grind of the school day. Not to mention needing to wait for half an hour in line at the before and after school pick-up and drop-off. It is hard to readjust to the routine again, for kids and parents alike.

So, then where does this intense fear of judgment start to form? Somewhere along the way, through all the shaming and criticism, and through being told you are “bad” in some form or another, you start to get the hint. Read: This is not in your head. In fact, some people don’t recognize that your fear actually is valid even when it is far from the truth.