Family Holidays Post-Election
It’s that time already. The holidays are already upon us. And this year, we are surrounded by all the post-election buzz. Families are already experiencing a political divide, made even more prominent when everyone comes together for Thanksgiving dinner.
Do you dare to discuss politics over your nice holiday dinner? Here are some tips for setting boundaries with family when they cross the line.
Reinforce the concept that family is more important than political views and beliefs. Sometimes families are of the same political persuasion, and sometimes there is more divide. Regardless, it is important that everyone feels safe and seen. If the topic veers into uncomfortable territory, try reigning it back in by saying reinforcing the shared common bond of family.
If someone gets heated, do not react. This is probably the most difficult thing to strive for, but it is even more essential at a family gathering. Sometimes a reaction feels involuntary, but ask yourself, “Is it necessary that I share this point of view? Will it be well received, or will it be discouraged? Is this a safe space to express myself?” Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do when someone else’s intensity is rising, is to stay calm and grounded.
Listen for the shared concerns, regardless of view point. Search for common ground. Even if you do not agree with someone, can you agree to disagree? Often, it is more helpful to validate their underlying concerns than to agree or disagree. Validation can occur even in the event of conflict.
Try to diffuse potential conflict. If you observe other family members engaging in a heated discussion, try to diffuse the conflict by making yourself a “mediator.” You may try to point out the common ground, or even to diffuse the situation with a helpful distraction or redirect. Change the subject…even if you do it in a subtle way, people may start laughing or realizing the ridiculousness of the fight.
Ultimately, coming together with a diverse group of people means you will inevitably encounter different view points. Try to be mindful of this when deciding on appropriate topics for discussion. And consider that even if people are not speaking up, their body language may indicate that they are feeling uncomfortable. Observe and make efforts to connect with those who may not feel they have a voice. You will notice that others may greatly appreciate the efforts you are making to neutralize the tone of the gathering. Focus on the reason you came to gather in the first place. Family is more important than politics.
