Coping with Anxiety for New Parents
As a new parent, you are often pulled in many different directions. You are faced with many daily responsibilities, which can include working and other household tasks, and you spend a lot of time caring for your infant or other kids in the home. Anxiety and stress can mount quickly, compounded by a lack of sleep, changes in hormones (for moms), pumping or nursing, and balancing daily activities.
Some challenges which may trigger anxiety for new parents can include:
–Getting out of the house with your infant or toddler. It can be challenging to pack up a baby and their siblings, bring enough diapers and wipes, find avenues to nurse (in public), push strollers or carriers, and make an exit strategy when your infant grows too tired or fussy. One solution may be to store items ahead of time in the car (packed and ready!), research stores and restaurants that offer nursing rooms or a private bathroom, and bring bags for supplies. Also try to find a place that is family friendly, where you know other parents will be there and will not be bothered by any noise or distractions.
–Many new parents struggle with anxious and fearful thoughts. These thoughts may be related to fears around harm to your infant or child, or you may have concerns about your abilities or adequacy as a new parent. Thoughts may be triggered by perceived threats in the environment. Often an evaluation of these thoughts helps to keep them in check. Ask yourself, how realistic are these scenarios? What is the likelihood of something terrible happening, and what is the likelihood that things will turn out fine? Are these thoughts of inadequacy stemming from unrealistic expectations around parenting? Can you adopt the perspective that you are learning through this process, and you will improve?
–Experiencing insomnia or lack of sleep.. New parents may be experiencing insomnia on many levels, due to waking up to tend to a crying baby, bottle feeding or nursing/pumping, and sleep may also be disturbed by hormonal fluctuations or anxiety. Insomnia creates a vicious cycle of never-ending fatigue, and can increase irritability and fluctuations in mood. If you have a partner available to help you, try to work together to find a balance, this may be through trading turns waking up in the night with your baby, or allowing your partner to nap for a bit in the middle of the day. If you do not have a partner available, work on cultivating more restful moments for yourself during the day; by sleeping after baby goes down to nap, and carving out time to relax and recharge before a long night.
–Finding a Work/Family Life Balance.. One particular challenge for new parents may be around establishing and finding a healthy work/life balance. For new parents who go back to work outside the home, may be faced with the challenges of finding and establishing outside care for their child. If breastfeeding may need to plan to pump during working hours. And finding time to complete household tasks around work schedules. Working together with your employer may be necessary to discuss solutions around taking sick leave for children’s doctor visits, or being able to work from home if your child is sent home from school or daycare.
–Managing Sibling Relationships.. If you have other children at home, you may have to divide attention between caring for your youngest in addition to attending to the needs of the older sibling(s). Finding time to attend to each of them may prove challenging, as can managing tantrums or displays of jealousy. If you have the ability to give your older child some undivided time during baby’s naps, or if you can trade off with a partner, this can help to provide your oldest with the one-to-one time they are craving.
–Shifting Dynamics in your Partner Relationship. You may be experiencing some tension in your partner relationship as dynamics shift. If this is your first baby, you and your partner may be undergoing a big transition in being a couple (sans kids) to being a family with kids. Your identity may feel in flux, and it can be difficult to balance friendships and outside relationships as well. Taking time to attend to your partner’s needs becomes even more important during this time as you navigate establishing a supportive balance that you can agree upon.
Anxiety and stress can be triggered by many other factors in addition to those listed above. A combination of the strategies above, in addition to practicing some grounding and mindfulness skills for anxiety, can help to calm your thoughts and balance your mood. Remember that this can be a stressful and challenging time. Draw on your support networks and create time and space to foster self-care practices.
