The Power of Calm
Sometimes we need to reflect on the power of our ability to be calm and still. How do we not get hooked? How do we handle situations that feel like they are spiraling out of our control? How do we keep ourselves grounded, and our hearts and minds at ease through the ever-evolving chaos?
Sometimes we need to simply allow ourselves to “be.” What happens if we don’t try to change anything, we don’t try so hard to stay in control, and we just let ourselves sit with what is happening in the moment. Just to be present and process whatever is unfolding around us. To notice it, as if from a distance. Disengaged, unhooked, unreactionary. Just notice, and calmly take it in. What will happen then?
If we work hard to keep ourselves internally calm and grounded, our perspective will remain neutral. Our egos will be much harder to inflate, and our tempers much easier to moderate. Our minds may feel more balanced, and our hearts more full. Have you noticed that it is sometimes easier to love from a distance? This does not necessarily need to be physical distance. This can be emotional distance as well. When we work to nurture ourselves from within, and attend to our own emotional needs, we can then be more present for others and their needs. We are not coming from a place of needing to sacrifice ourselves or displace our own well-being for others. We can simply be present and attuned to the wellness in ourselves.
How do we take a position of internal calm and strength when chaos is swirling around us? How do we come to a place of detachment and disengagement and learn to love others from a distance, so that we can better serve from a place of non-judgement and non self-sacrifice? This does not need to look cold. It does not look like ghosting people or giving them the silent treatment. It looks like reflecting, stepping back, staying calm and supportive, yet non-reactive. Learning to identify and stop the ego from swelling within us. Noticing the part of us that wants to take charge or take control, and putting it aside. Only seeing the bigger picture.
Let’s say your teen suddenly decides they are hungry and wants something to eat, only an hour earlier it was time for dinner and they didn’t touch the food on their plate, claiming it made them feel sick to even look at it. If you had cooked them their food, you could be understandably offended, and become reactive. “Why didn’t you eat an hour ago when I made you dinner?” you might question sharply. Or, “You rolled your eyes at the food I made, so you are on your own now.” Might be another one. All ego-defensive responses. But if you allow yourself to step back, gain perspective, and remain calm, you may see the uselessness in trying to control the wildly unpredictable appetite of your unwieldy teen. You may instead choose to detach and calmly present their options for them. “I understand you have realized you are hungry now. You may either reheat the leftover dinner we made earlier, or cook something for yourself.” There, you have set the boundaries in a calm, even, and non-reactive manner.
Remember, when we work to stay calm and grounded from within, we can be of better service to ourselves and to those around us. We can make wiser decisions. We can learn to displace our own egos, in favor of presenting a wise, calm and connected approach. That is very powerful indeed.
