A Good Friend
What does it mean to be a good friend these days? Does it mean a lot of texting, back and forth? Does it mean consistency and reliability? Does it mean you can pick up the phone and call someone if you need to talk, or ask them to meet you somewhere and they will make themselves available, no matter when you last saw them?
Sometimes friendships hold certain expectations. That friends should…. (fill in the blank). But what if we allow our friendships to just be, and accept them as they are? Every friendship is unique because of the personality combination involved. Just as no two people are exactly alike (boring!), each friendship comes with its own unique set of benefits and struggles. Sometimes friendships fade over time, and sometimes they persevere and grow stronger. But just what makes for a lasting friendship?
Friendships that last are reliable and consistent. This does not mean that friends cannot cancel plans, or go on a “solitary hiatus” for a bit. It does mean that good friends are able to communicate their need for personal boundaries, and still provide consistency by circling back to the friendship to put in effort once their refueling needs have been met. This is different from “ghosting” a friend for an extended period of time and suddenly coming back and expecting everything to pick up where it left off.
Which brings me to my next point…
Good friends are able to communicate their needs and wants. Communication does not always need to be verbal. In fact, there are a lot more non-verbal ways of communicating. But it does mean that there needs to be a level of understanding and acceptance around the other person’s desire for space and closeness. Even through body language, you can generally intuit that someone may be desiring more solitude or companionship. By verbally or non-verbally communicating, you can determine whether more support is needed versus letting it be.
Lasting friendships balance give and take. This is not the same thing as having expectations for things to be “fair” or “even.” However, it does mean that there is generally a regard for finding balance in the relationship, with neither person doing the majority of the taking or giving. Conversely, in co-dependent relationships, there is often a one-sided bent, where one person is the support system and the other person is the “needy” one. This can create more of a burden in the relationship as one person may feel the need to “care-take” for the other. In a healthy relationship, the care is more balanced, and each party is empathetic and supportive of the other’s needs, wishes and desires.
The final point to consider, is that lasting friendships are often more valuable and even foundational to romantic relationships. Friendships that are strong create lasting support systems, reliable working relationships, and amazing partnerships. Remember, romantic feelings can come and go, but a good friend lasts forever.
