Finding Peace in your Family Life
Family life can be chaotic by nature. Finding ways to stay balanced (and sane), can prove to be extremely challenging sometimes. This past year has provided it’s own unique set of challenges, as well.
I have three young children, all age 5 and under. There is a sea of toys strewn across the floor, kids running around the living room, babies climbing on furniture, kids asking for food or snacks, and the (occasional) screaming arguments between toddlers breaking out in the family room. This past year has proved particularly challenging, as the kids have had less structure, are out of their normal routines, and have had to adjust to multiple changes in our family life. Yes, I am a therapist, and my family is not perfect. There, I said it. You are in good company!
Families can learn to stay balanced through having some kind of organization in the midst of the chaos. Kids thrive on routines, comfort, and familiarity. When a part of their daily structure changes, kids are “thrown for a loop,” and may act out in order to make sense out of the disorganization. Children need healthy limits to feel safe, and often test to see if these limits are in place.
A helpful way to regain some peace in the household is to create a structure that works for your family. Each family unit is different, and family members have different needs. So, a set of rules or organization that works for one family may not work for another. And that is okay. Find what works for your family’s specific needs.
Here are some suggestions:
1. Create a routine for the family structured around fulfilling basic needs for the family as a whole. For example, by setting family meal times around work, school, and daycare schedules. This ensures there is time for the family to come together, despite individual daily tasks.
2. Carve out time to devote to individual family members (and not just for working on homework, or work related tasks). This may mean spending some time watching a favorite movie with your toddlers, playing games with your school age children, or talking to your teenager about their friendships. This time is just devoted to your child, no interruptions, and no technology interference (put away the smart phone)!
3. Ensure each family member has some time alone as well. We all need to take time away from our relationships to re-charge our batteries. This includes parents. Get out of the house for that hot yoga class, take a warm bath, spend time shopping alone.
4. Have spontaneous family fun. Sometimes the fondest family memories are about the events that were unplanned. Do something enjoyable and out of the ordinary. Or just get out for a day at the zoo, go hiking in the woods, explore a new local hangout.
5. Get some rest. This includes time for sleep and relaxation. We all need healthy sleep routines to function at our best, and sometimes these schedules can be thrown “out of whack.” Getting a bit of R&R can help to re-set the entire family’s routine.
6. Seek out help when you need it. It can be hard to ask for help when we are feeling overwhelmed. There is something about our culture that causes us to feel we must somehow manage to “do it all.” It may appear that we can not ask for the support we need, or that it is unavailable to us. Sometimes real limitations exist (family out of town, not living in the area, lack of child care). However, you may be surprised to find the support you need in places you did not expect it. Reach out to your friends and neighbors, call a family member, or get the courage to book a session with a therapist or other support resource. It is important to know there is help available when you need it.
Remember that finding peace in your family life is a continual process. We need to be able to adapt, “go with the flow” and face the many different challenges and needs of each individual family member. The family unit can function more smoothly when the individual’s needs are met.
