Relationships with Authority
What is your relationship with authority figures in your life? How do you relate with others through a position of authority? And in what ways are you your own authority? Examining the origins of our own relationships with authority figures throughout our lives can give us insight into how we step into our own power and positions of authority in relationship to others.
Growing up, we are often dependent on authority figures to provide for our needs, to model acceptable behavior, and to offer us support. These authority figures may be parents or other relatives, teachers at school, mentors, or older friends. We begin to learn independence through our interdependence on others, and we test boundaries and seek structure to provide a sense of safety and support.
How was your relationship with authority figures as a child, as a teen, or as a young adult? Was there someone who was consistent in your life, who modeled healthy boundaries and behaviors, who took care of your needs and provided you with shelter and safety? Or perhaps there was an important element that was lacking in your relationships with these authority figures. Perhaps you experienced a relationship with a caregiver who was overly strict and authoritarian. Maybe a parent was depressive or emotionally unavailable. Or perhaps your parent was inconsistent: a rollercoaster of praise and kindness one minute, and shame, blame and guilt the next. Possibly you even felt abandoned by the people in your life who were supposed to care.
The quality of our relationships with others in positions of authority growing up can impact how we see the world, how we view ourselves, and how we relate to significant people in our lives. Through our early experiences, we learn how to be and how not to be. We can take what we learn through self-reflection of our experiences and grow into our own authority. This can inspire awareness within ourselves to mindfully step into our authority in relationship to others.
Through examining our own interactions in relationship to those in positions of authority in our adult lives, it allows us to explore how we apply these lessons learned from our past experiences. Perhaps we find ourselves challenging and questioning authority figures. Or maybe we respond more submissively to authority, and may feel unable to speak up and articulate our own needs. Or, are we able to strike a balance between communicating assertively and effectively to get our needs met, while simultaneously holding respect and empathy for the other individual’s position?
And finally, we can begin to mindfully step into positions of authority in our own lives to responsibly lead and model to others in our care. Perhaps we have children or colleagues who rely on us for guidance, nurturance and support. How can we parent our children with the wisdom gleaned from our past, in order to model healthy relationships that will carry them into the future? How can we use our relational power to guide, nurture, and support those in our care? Are we able to effectively model consistency, compassion and healthy boundaries for those who depend on us?
Continuing to self-reflect on our relationships empowers us to be more mindful in our interactions with others, no matter where they fall in relationship to authority in our own lives.
