Finding Your Voice

In therapy, we often talk about hard things. That is one of the main reasons that people attend therapy, to process recent events, or talk about things that are very difficult to talk about. As therapists, we are often holders of secrets, and per our ethics codes, we cannot share these secrets with anyone outside the therapy room (unless our clients are in immediate danger of harm or threat to themselves or someone else).

One of the reasons that therapy can be so effective, is that it provides a space to speak about things that may otherwise be unspeakable. It allows us to release and to process, in a safe and supportive environment. A space that can serve as a container for our disclosures and messy emotions. A place where we can gain insight and feedback, and walk away with a sense of relief and hope that one day we will have moved beyond the circumstances that have precipitated that initial contact. We will feel hopeful, renewed, and even transformed.

There are times when finding the voice to speak about our experiences can be extremely challenging and even painful. We may feel unheard, invalidated, or we may be stuck in an abusive environment or a toxic relationship that even shames our efforts to speak up. We can feel ostracized, marginalized, disempowered or trapped. It is so important, that even in these moments, we can realize that we are not alone. Support is around us, and sometimes we may struggle to make the effort to seek it out.

When clients come in during a crises, we process the pain together. We share in the moments of agony, stress, and pain with our clients. We empathize deeply, and work to advocate on their behalf. Then, it is our client’s responsibility to take what they have learned in the therapy room and translate that insight to the outside world. Our clients must learn to empower themselves in the process, so they can gain the confidence they need to effect changes in their lives and the world around them.

Let us begin with the skill of assertiveness in communication. When we communicate our needs clearly and assertively with others, they can begin to respect our boundaries and understand our needs and wants. When we are able to communicate in an assertive and respectful manner, we are honoring the needs and views of the other person, in addition to our own. We are not avoiding, dismissing, or “joking” about the problem. We are clearly establishing healthy boundaries and opening the door to more authentic communication.

It can be extremely hard to find that voice. Especially in situations where we may have been harmed or disempowered. But it is in these situations that our voice is even more important. If anything, speaking up will generally encourage the harmful behavior to stop. And if it doesn’t, communicating with the right people will help us gain the support we need to empower ourselves to deal with the harmful situation effectively. Remember, we are not alone.