The Importance of Authenticity in Relationships

There is a lot of fear around building authentic and honest relationships. In a day and age of everything getting posted or passed along, or exposed on the internet or social media, it is hard to know how much we can safely reveal about our true selves. Sometimes we dramatize or airbrush our posts on social media, only revealing the beautiful images of our lives that we want others to see. Sometimes we create weak ties, or superficial relationships that give people an impression of the best version of ourselves, while hiding the real “down and dirty” details about who we actually are.

There is a lot of reason to be conscientious and careful about what we put out there about ourselves, particularly online. Sometimes private details or more honest accounts can be attacked or criticized, or passed along to the hands of people who may use the information to hurt us. However, I am not advocating for full disclosure in all settings. I am advocating that we develop more in-depth, authentic, and trusting relationships with our friends, colleagues, and family members.

Sometimes we learn to hide the more vulnerable parts of ourselves from others so that we are not viewed as weak. Perhaps image is important to us, in our lives in our academic, professional and community relationships. And to some degree, I think many of us are impacted by this pressure to maintain a positive image. However, this becomes an impediment to real human connection when image and status are maintained at the sacrifice of creating real, authentic and meaningful connections.

For instance, image preservation may lead to dishonesty, or a tendency to hide our true feelings for the sake of maintaining an appearance of a successful relationship. This can also make communications awkward or disingenuous (saying one thing, while body posture and tone communicate another), or glossing over minor details in order to preserve the peace, another form of dishonesty. The problem is, that the longer these behaviors continue, the more they tend to build and create distance and lack of trust in relationships. Problems cannot be resolved when nothing is addressed.

In authentic, caring and reciprocal relationships, honesty is significant because, even when uncomfortable, it allows us to enter into the realm of deeper, trusting and more genuine connections with others. Even those who establish many superficial bonds may start to see them disappear when the relationships cannot progress past the point of small talk. Or when one person gets the impression that the other may not truly care about them due to incongruent behaviors.

If we are to practice developing and maintaining relationships that are genuine, honest and congruent, we will be able to develop deeper, more impactful and significant bonds. Having real connections with others in our lives promotes trust and security with people who “have our backs” and will be willing to vouch for our character or even save our lives if the situation warrants it.